I'm Awake

coming to terms with the unknown upon remembering

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I’m Awake.

I remember.

Do you remember?

How long have we been here?

It took me nineteen years to wake up from the alarm and another four to turn it off.


And now

It is silent.

What is there to do with silent?

I’ve never gotten to make something without urgency

I’ve never moved forward without something at my back chasing me

I’ve never had to make something I didn’t have to make

What if there is no target?
How do I know I am aiming correctly?

The void black would seem optimal for falling back asleep.

Or I could keep walking

To no end, to no goal, to no outcome this time

Time was never mine to keep

I stick my hand out and release my illusion of control back into the mouth of timeless black void mother

back in time before I existed in it

back to the place I have wandered this

Earth plane 23 years searching for

I left home.

But not really.

I’ve found it again, and again, and again

You did too.

You left there and came here forgetting just to again remember.

I am still heavy eyelids squinting at the memory

I am goosebumps on neck, peeling out of the soft, warm comforter

I am Bambi legs wobbling to find the nearest exit

Feet cold, mouth dry, eyes crusted, hair tangled, voice hoarse, awake from the Earthly fever dream

Where do I go from here?

Where can I go from here?

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